Brace yourself, this is going to be a long one.
Pageants are a hard business. You spend months working on who you are, who you want to be and staying on a straight and narrow path towards success. You understand the hard truth that only one girl will walk away with the title and you hope and pray that it will be you. I spent this past weekend in Houston, Texas working towards my goal of being Miss Texas Teen USA. Since Sunday, I have been gathering my thoughts and trying to think of the many ways I can share my journey and experience. Sure, I can be typical and take it to social media with some cheesy post about making new friends like I usually do but I felt that this year my journey deserved something more.
Let me give you my back story... this was my third year competing for this title in particular and my sixth overall pageant. I've held two different titles, both of which I was honored and blessed to represent. My first year at Miss Texas Teen USA I was ecstatic to just be there. Competing against 120 beautiful contestants from all over the great state, didn't phase me. I walked into orientation with the understanding that it was ultimately Gods plan and I was just carrying it out. I was elated when I made the Top 15 on just my first try and knew that I would be returning. Flash forward a year later and I was back at orientation, this year not seeming to care as much. I felt that if I had made the Top 15 the year before, I was most definitely able to do it again so I didn't try and better myself. HUGE MISTAKE. As you can imagine, I didn't have the same luck. After not hearing my name called in the Top 15, I was CRUSHED. I remember vividly running backstage into the dirty bathroom stall and bawling my eyes out. I was disappointed in my actions and lack of dedication... I knew I did this to myself. I decided I was done with pageants and chose to forget everything that I loved so much about them... or so I thought I did. Around June of the next year my mom brought to me the idea of competing again, still feeling as if pageants just weren't my thing anymore, I said no. My mom being my mom knew that I did still want to compete but just needed a good push... or shove. She did something that changed FOREVER who I was and who I wanted to be, I just didn't know it yet.
One day, I received a text message from my mom, a simple screenshot from an email she had received. I opened and began to read this long email. As I am reading I get a rush of excitement and feel as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest. My mom had reached out to non other than Crystle Stweart, Miss USA 2008. I was shocked to say the least. My mom acting as if she was me, simply asked Mrs. Stweart if training me for Miss Texas Teen USA would be a possibility... her response, more than I could've ever expected. She said YES and expressed her excitement to begin and plan out my upcoming training. I knew in that moment that I was going to commit and I was going to do it with all of my being. I knew it was going to be tough, from my first year competing I had put on 30 pounds and was in the worst health of my life. This was going to change! From that moment, my journey began... again. I went full force in every area of my training. I grew closer and closer to Mrs. Stweart, someone who I looked up to and admired for so long. Everyday, I learned more and more about who I was. I was on top of the world and felt that I could do any and everything. I had a great team behind me who cared not about me just winning the title but me being the best version of myself. They encouraged, motivated, and inspired me each and every time we spoke. They were, to say the least, the DREAM TEAM.
Thanksgiving rolled around and it was time to take off to Houston, Texas. I felt, surprisingly, calm. I had worked hard and tirelessly for the past 5 months and was prepared. I knew that no matter the outcome of the upcoming weekend, I worked hard and was already extremely proud of myself. I had lost 22 pounds, felt 100% comfortable in who I was and was ready to just show EVERYONE that the person I was the previous year, wasn't who I really was.
** Spoiler alert** I didn't win, I didn't even place. I will never know why and I've come to the realization that its okay. This year, I didn't cry, I wasn't disappointed in myself, and I didn't have any regrets... One thing that I have really been pondering since Sunday were these words spoken to me by Mrs. Stewart... " True greatness doesn't require a sash or crown, so keep your shoulders back and head high and stroll into your bright future." I believe that God didn't put me on this path because he wanted me to be Miss Texas Teen USA but because he wanted to show me these important things. 1. Just as Mrs. Stewart said, I don't need a title to validate that I worked hard or that I am worthy. My journey and hard work proved that I am. 2. Good people and I mean truly good, do exist. They will help you reach your goal and do whatever it takes to do so. 3. Lastly, Gods plan is greater than any plan I will ever have for myself. Rather than grieve and feel bad for myself, I can trust in his word. I thank God for putting me on this path and trust in whatever is next for me. Don't ever give up, if you have ever felt like I did after my second year of competing then prove to yourself that you can and you will achieve your dreams... trust me, you will feel like you're on top of the world. I believe in you, now its time for you to believe in yourself.
XOXO,
Sam
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